Sometimes I have doubts about my faith. I base my whole life on the book called the Bible. I pray about every decision I make. I don’t date guy’s who aren’t Christians…which is very difficult at times. I want to be a pastor someday and a writer who challenges and encourages other people’s faith. And I still have doubts about God and everything I believe He is. It’s scary to have doubts about something that makes you who you are and has become the foundation for your life. I know everyone has moments of doubt and I think it’s healthy to question what you believe to make sure you really believe it.
I lead a ministry called Prayer on the Blvd, where a group of us go out to our local Farmer’s market and offer to pray with people. I went up to a young man and said, “Hey! We are offering prayer today. Do you need prayer for anything?”
“No I don’t believe in God.”
“Really? Why not?”
“Because it’ doesn’t make sense.”
“Well, I’m sorry. It can be confusing…..”
“But I like good people so thank you!” And he walked off.
I look back at the conversation and I wish I would have responded differently. I wish I would have told him that Faith doesn’t always make sense but God loves him and is calling him to himself. There was so much I should have said but I wasn’t thinking quickly and he walked away too soon. It got me thinking about God and Christianity and how it doesn’t always make sense when you think about it logically. When we start thinking logic, we put God in a box and limit him to the physical world. We can’t apply physical rules to a spiritual God. God is able to do more than all we ask or imagine. But after all the conversations I’ve had, trying to explain God, and all the theological questioning, and personal reflection on my doubts, it comes down to the fact that I cannot do this life without God’s help. I need God to help me to handle all that this complication life involves. I need his grace and comfort when people and things let me down. The emotions are too much and the pain too great, and loving people is too hard without an outside source of help. Not every question we have will have a neat and tidy answer all wrapped with a bow. But we all have that need for peace, guidance, and wisdom in a world that so easily entangles us and tries to bring us down. It’s ok to have moments of doubt and questioning, but to stay in that place of doubt makes us “like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind,” we, “should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.” ( James 1:6-8)
Faith is believing in something you can’t see. Faith is stepping out to walk on water. Faith is taking a risk, but knowing if God doesn’t come through the situation is hopeless. Faith isn’t supposed to make sense. If it made sense it would be logic. Yes logic/ reason and faith can work together, but there is a point where faith trails off into the unexplainable. There is pain and suffering we can’t explain but there are also miracles and supernatural experiences we can’t understand. When we look at this world through lens of faith, we are less cynical and free to let go of how our mind shrinks our world. We will doubt. We will struggle. But let’s not stay there. We need to be free to listen to what God might be calling us to do and in order to make a difference we need to be willing to do things that require a power that is beyond our abilities and confidence. Even in our doubt, fear, and weakness, when we step on the water, God will help us walk.