I fell in love once.
It was beautiful.
Suddenly I was living in a snow globe with this man whom I loved. We stood under gently falling snow, next to our castle of love. Everything was covered in glitter and I felt more loved than ever before. But then the gently falling snow turned into an unsettling blizzard, and I saw the life I had left behind on the other side of the glass. I realized I had built all of life’s meaning upon my glass bubbled of love. I felt loved, but for a price. I felt beautiful, but with compromise. I knew it had to be over. I took a sledge hammer and swung. The glass shattered, and like the snow globe of love, my heart was broken.
The time of healing following heartbreak, was dark and I felt hopeless and alone. I knew I had to end the relationship for various reasons, but I second guessed, cried myself to sleep, and was convinced I’d never find love again. I was stuck in a new glass bubble filled with darkness. My journal is filled with prayers I wrote during this time.
I’m weary. I’m tired of feeling this way. Clear my mind and help me get past this. My soul feels crooked and wounded. My mind is bipolar, full of regret one minute and confident I made the right choice the next minute. Give me freedom and joy again. I’m scared God. I’m scared to move on because we made each other so happy. It was so beautiful. I loved being in his arms. Right now I feel a mixture of emptiness with a twinge of hope. But the emptiness is over whelming. I miss him and feel so alone. Please allow me to look back and see why it’s good I’m not with him. I give this pain to you. Help me past it so I can be filled with joy and humbled into a place where I will hear you clearly and obey. Amen.
Are you in a place like this?
Are you weary and depressed? You’re not alone. It’s inevitable that you will dwell on the pain and sadness. But eventually it’s time to realize, in the midst of pain and trials, God wants to heal you. When we get tired of our emotions and drama we finally can hear God clearly. Take this time to listen to God and take action. Some trials are harder than others and take longer to heal and move on. But God is speaking to you in the darkness.
Listening and obeying will not only change your life, but it will change the lives of those people God is calling you to minister to.
During a time of healing, we begin to reevaluate what is important to us, and become aware of the need to re prioritize our lives. It’s easy to delight in the things of this world, which are so temporary, and leave us hurting and empty. If we realize Psalm 47:4 is true, it will change our lives. King David said, “Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” David said this due to his experience. I can second that, due to my experience.
God doesn’t want us to be hurting and sad, and he does work things out for our good. (Rom 8:28 )
Depression can be a catalyst, pushing you into your calling and pursuing your dreams. During my depression, after praying for God to speak to me, I heard from him very clearly. I wrote it down in my journal and I think it will help you as well:
Remember what/who you are living for! Right now you only see what’s right in front of you. I have the map of your life. You WILL understand. These are growing pains. I will help you and carry you into healing. I need you to focus on my blessings. Focus on your gifts and ministries and you will have joy again. Your heart is in my hands. Trust me! I am crying with you. I know what is ahead and it is good!
That week I started my street ministry called Prayer on the Blvd and it gave me so much joy. It was one of the scariest things I’ve ever done. It healed my heart and I’ve been doing it for about two years now and I still find joy in it. I do look back and see I made the right decision to end that relationship. I also see how God was able to help me hear him clearly so I would finally see that delighting in him, and receiving the desires of my heart are exactly the same thing.
God’s snow globe of love isn’t fleeting, and the only thing we are compromising are the things which aren’t good for us anyways. The snow still falls, and we can still have our castle, but this snow globe extends beyond ourselves, connecting us with God’s love and moving us outward, unifying us with others. We are loved and healed so we can love others.
If you find yourself in a bubble of sadness or fleeting love, God sees you and wants to heal you and free you. Ask him to show you how this pain can be used for good, and you will find joy and peace like no other. Ask God to hand you the sledgehammer so you can break out of your bubble of glass and find freedom!