A marriage is meant to demonstrate in human terms, the ideal portrayal of love between Christ and His Bride, the Church. Ephesians says, “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.” (5:25-27)Therefore, dating is the place where we search for a person with whom we can best portray God’s love in our lives.
A great way to figure out what else we need in a relationship is to ask, “What are the characteristics of God and what characteristics does He instill in me?” Among many things, God brings passion, humility, honesty, comfort, love and freedom into our lives. But before I go on, I need to emphasize that God’s ways are ideal. In our flesh, we can never reach this standard. The goal is to walk towards the way of our God, but know that you men cannot love us women in the same perfect way as God. We need to be looking for a man who loves us with the similar fervor and passion as God, but we also need to give grace to the men in our lives the same way God has grace on us in our imperfections. Some women and men go around look for a person that “deserves” them. Well, guess what? None of us deserve a thing. If God waited around for His Bride to deserve His love, Christ would have never come. We all need to look at each other through the lens of grace. We don’t need a perfect man; we need a man who strives to be holy.
Women need a passionate man. This means he’s passionate about God, about giving glory to God with his life, and about loving us. An example of some passionate men in the Bible, is in Acts 4:13-20,
“When they saw the courage of Peter and John and realized that they were unschooled, ordinary men, they were astonished and they took note that these men had been with Jesus. But since they could see the man who had been healed standing there with them, there was nothing they could say. So they ordered them to withdraw from the Sanhedrin and then conferred together. ‘What are we going to do with these men?’ they asked. ‘Everyone living in Jerusalem knows they have performed a notable sign, and we cannot deny it. But to stop this thing from spreading any further among the people, we must warn them to speak no longer to anyone in this name.’
Then they called them in again and commanded them not to speak or teach at all in the name of Jesus. But Peter and John replied, ‘which is right in God’s eyes: to listen to you, or to Him? You be the judges! As for us, we cannot help speaking about what we have seen and heard.’ “
Peter and John were so passionate about what they have seen and heard, that their courage was noticeable. People could tell who they loved. Also, because they cared so much for Jesus, they couldn’t help but get excited about giving Jesus the glory in the face of opposition.
In God’s passionate love for us, He pursues us and inspires us.
If God didn’t pursue me, I’d probably be wandering around the spiritual desert still. If God didn’t pursue us, He wouldn’t have bothered sending Jesus to die for us. God stepped from His throne, into the flesh, in order to die. Romans 5, says, “For one will hardly die for a righteous man; though perhaps for the good man someone would dare even to die. But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Much more then, having now been justified by His blood, we shall be saved from the wrath of God through Him.” He did all this to demonstrate His love for us in a way we can grasp. This is a pursuit like no other.
Of course we aren’t asking men to die for us, but we do love to be pursued. I know, guys, this can be tricky. The difference between pursuing and stalking can be kind of confusing. Some girls think persistence is cute and others think it’s creepy. So I’d advise you men to feel that out and make sure you’re not pursuing a restraining order. Use wisdom to pray about the woman you have your eye on. Ask God to show you if you should pursue a friendship first or ask her out on a date. If you are already friends, just let her know how you feel. When I say pursue, I don’t mean follow her to her car late at night, or call her even after she has made it clear she’s not interested. What I mean is, you should take initiative. Tell her how you feel and make sure she is clear how highly you think of her. Nothing is wrong with a girl asking a guy out. I’ve asked a few guys out in my life because they acted like they liked me, but weren’t pursuing me. It’s very confusing and torturous to be left wondering. Please let us know so we can make it clear either way, and move forward in which ever direction is decided.
Once you’re dating a girl, you shouldn’t stop pursuing her. Passion is a fire that can begin to dull after a while. When you fall from the high of new romance into the daily drum of life, it becomes easy to stop trying to win a woman’s heart if you feel like you’ve already won it. But we want to know you love us by continually finding ways to show us how you feel. Find out what makes us tick. It really doesn’t have to be some secret to uncover. Ask us the question, “How can I love you the best way possible?” and we will tell you and return the question. We want to love you the best we can as well. If two people in a relationship don’t feel loved, it becomes an obligation. Women need to be pursued.
God’s passion also inspires us. He doesn’t just pursue us so we can sit around and do nothing. He pursues us so He can stir up our passions. He pursues us so we are equipped to know our gifts and in order to love the people around us with the same passion. In the same way, your passion for your ministry can inspire our ministry. Your love for music can get us excited about music. Your joy about our relationship, gives us joy in our relationship and in turn our joy will spill out on others. Two passionate hearts for God first and then each other, can start a blaze that cannot be put out. When we feel inspired and loved, we are better suited to love others.
Inspiration can also come through challenge and new perspectives. Sometimes we go around looking for people who have exactly the same favorite movie, and favorite food. It’s great when we find similar interests, because we can be excited about the same things. But it’s also important to find someone who compliments us by teaching us new things, and challenging our opinions. We don’t want to date ourselves do we? We want someone to inspire us to continue growing and learning. Women need to be inspired by men.
Ultimately we need to be pursued and inspired by men, so we can pursue and inspire right back at ya. We understand you cannot love us exactly like God does. But in this world, which at times can be so full of brokenness and loneliness, mediocrity and lethargy, we need to know that you love us passionately.